Saturday, November 3, 2012

Bad Bad LeRoy Brown



Meaner than a junk yard dog, that is me on the second day of reaffirming my life choice to not eat sugar and refined wheat products.

I assume the aches and pains are the withdrawal symptoms working as my body reacts to no caffeine and no cupcakes.  Mostly it just makes me grouchy as grandpa with a full diaper.

The hardest part is not mistaking the weirdness, the body cravings for real hunger.  I can more or less honestly say I’ve never starved in my life.  I may have eaten horse, but not because I said I could eat a horse right now.

So this is my Saturday, wake and get through breakfast.  Make up a few simple tasks to get through to the Miss State game at noon, which was a big cluster-puck.  I got gas (that’s national election week for the 35cent drop in gas prices, or is it that New England can’t get the gas so we get it cheaper right now?)  I got a haircut and by this point my dealing with people meter was past full and I could feel the grouch rumbling in my tumbling.

Had to make it through the grocery store, they had the buffalo chicken/mac and cheese the bastards, and somehow got home without calling anyone a bad name and only flipping the bird to two very poorly mannered drivers.  This is a habit I have been working hard to break because I don’t carry a weapon to defend myself from the people who take being flipped off for their poor driving etiquette personally.

Then the rest of the day is spent waiting until my next meal, planning when, what and how to eat it.  Eat early and risk the overwhelming snack desires later and eat later and get through the phantom feelings of starvation that come from not eating every thirty minutes or so.

Let’s just say I could eat a horse right about now.

And this is just day two of ten for the cleansing phase.  No dairy and limited carbs during this phase, so even the sweet release of low fat yogurt or rice cakes with peanut butter is a slippery slope to Shoney’s Strawberry Pie.

One.

One slice?

No, one pie, whip cream on the side.

Damn, I am hungry.

Later.

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